UNSATISFACTORY BEHAVIOR

I work with adults. All day. For the most part we're mature. I'm not terribly mature but the vast majority of my colleagues are. We use lofty phrases that speak of sacrifice, professionalism, and dedication to a greater cause. It sounds self-righteous and I don't mean it to. As often as my co-workers and I talk about that stuff we also laugh about flatulence and other third grade humor. That's usually my fault. I don't know what corporate America is like. At all. I suspect it's mildly similar to my workaday environment. Some folks get it and some folks don't.

We have one person at work who does not get it. This person is in a position of significant influence in our organization. This person is not the boss, but lots of people have to do what this person says.

This person sends humorous emails. Not because they were intended to be funny, but because they display a lack of focus on what is important - which can be funny. A few weeks ago we got reminded to not put pens and pencils in our pockets, because when we sit in the new chairs in a conference room they get marked up. Oh the humanity!

Last week we got the email below. The subject line read: UNSATISFACTORY BEHAVIOR. Yes, in all caps.

All,

While getting ready for the award ceremony in a few minutes, it was discovered that someone sat in The Boss's nice new leather*, picked their nose, and left the remnants on the arm rest. This is UNSATISFACTORY. I don't know who did it, but get the word out.

V/R**,
Name
"This email contains FOR OFFICIAL USE ONLY (FOUO) information and must be protected pursuant to the Privacy Act."

I think that's a pretty funny email. The best part of the email is the canned statement at the bottom about Official Use and the Privacy Act. There is no one's personal information in that email, that would make it subject to the Privacy Act. And while boogers are usually pretty private, the are definitely not For Official Use Only, nor is the reckless and wanton placement of them on fine leather conference room chairs.

I don't think my little brother in Iraq gets emails about boogers on the air speed indicators of his unit's Blackhawk helicopters. Just a hunch. That may be because there's no boogers on them, but if there was I suspect they'd just laugh at it.

*The author of the email was in such distress over the booger that the individual forgot to put the word "chair" after the word "leather." Chalk it up to booger-induced PTSD.

**V/R is an abbreviation for "very respectfully." We use it a lot when we close emails. We're a very polite bunch of steely-eyed warriors. I was glad to see that when we were chided about booger-gate, it was done very respectfully. That way no one had to fill out a Hurt Feelings Form.